How to Annoy Twilight Characters
by TwilightDramaQueen15
Summary: Exactly as the title says. Almost complete.
1. 25 ways to annoy Rosalie

_**25 Ways to Annoy Rosalie**_

**Tell her Emmett loves Bella way more than he loves her.**

**Call her a dumb blonde bimbo to her face.**

**Tell her to name her baby after you.**

**Remind her Edward picked a human over her.**

**Tell her blonde jokes then make fun of her.**

**Have Jacob dump food in her hair.**

**Dump food in her hair.**

**Trade all of her clothes with Leah's or Jacob's or any werewolf.**

**Call her ugly.**

**Say she is a selfish b****.**

**Scratch her BMW with your keys while she walks by.**

**Tell her Bella is more beautiful than her.**

**Set her up with Jacob.**

**Sing, "Cruella DeVil" when she walks into a room.**

**Call her Ice Queen.**

**Tell her she and Emmett weren't meant to be.**

**Break all of her precious mirrors.**

**Then tell her they broke because they saw her face.**

**Watch as she stands there in confusion before she says, "But mirrors don't have eyes, so they can't see."**

**Laugh and say, "Exactly."**

**Throw her makeup down the toilet.**

**Remind her she almost got her brother killed by the Volturi.**

**Tell her how heartless she is.**

**Cry and when she asks what's wrong, say, "Your face is just so ugly, I couldn't help but feel bad for you!" Then continue crying.**

**When she gets pissed at you when you finish, say, "Emmett told me to." Then walk off grinning a huge grin.**


	2. 27 ways to annoy Jasper

_**27 Ways to Annoy Jasper**_

Remind him that the Confederacy lost the Civil War

Tell him General Grant was the best general of the Civil War

Ask him what it's like to have sex with Alice when she is so tiny

Ask him why his hair is so blonde

Ask him what you're feeling right now

Ask him what Alice sees in your future

Ask him what it's like being the weak link in the family

Destroy his rare Civil War books

Put Union flags all over his room

Hum the Battle Hymn of the Republic whenever he walks by

Tell Alice he loves the Confederacy more than her

Smirk and eat popcorn as she yells at him

Laugh when she goes on a month long shopping trip to Paris and Milan

Ask how it feels to have someone you love leave because of someone else

Change your emotions constantly

Get his fan club to show up at his house and chase him… everywhere

Ask him what his fear is and send off waves of truthfulness so he'll tell you

Laugh at his irrational fear… especially if it's clowns or spiders or heights or snakes(mostly clowns)

Make him feel depressed

Destroy his new video games

Destroy his new motorcycle

Make him feel tired and have Alice and Rosalie give him a makeover

Take pictures of the new Jasper and post the online, put them all over Forks, and put them in his hometown in Texas

Make him feel hysteric

Make him feel embarrassed

Ask what it's like to be whipped by his 4'9" pixie wife

Ask him why he hates colored people


	3. 29 ways to annoy Jacob

_**29 Ways To Annoy Jacob**_

Remind him that Bella chose a bloodsucker over him

Call him a molester

Call him a mutt

Tell him Edward is a real man

Tell him he is moronic for think Bella was kissing him back

Ask if he was dropped on his head a lot as a baby

Remind him Bella is going to become a vampire

Ask him what it's like to have a monster as an imprint

When he falls asleep, put Edward, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie's clothes all over him

Pee on a pillow and put it under his head while he still sleeps

When he wakes up and glares at you, just say, "I was marking my territory like a dog, like you"

Stare at him for a long time

Watch vampire movies whenever he is over

Howl whenever he walks by

Tell him he is cuter as a wolf than in his human form

Tell him Bella said he is a horrible kisser

Get a dog and name him Jacob

Call him Jakey Wakey

Pay a random girl to hump him. In public

Ask him why he doesn't howl at the moon

Get silver and try to kill him with it

When playing Truth or Dare, dare him to make out with Rosalie, Emmett, and Leah for one minute each

Ask why he eats like a pig

Tell him he is ugly shirtless

Tell him you want to La Push him off a cliff

Remind him Paul imprinted on his sister

Tell him he's weird for imprinting on a vampire/human hybrid

Tell him Renesmee said she has a new boyfriend and it's not him

Ask him what lead tastes like since he chewed on it when he was a baby


	4. 30 ways to annoy Edward

_**30 Ways To Annoy Edward**_

Key his Volvo.

Spray paint his Volvo pink and put 'I'm gay and I'm proud!' on the windshield.

Tell him Bella prefers Jacob over him.

Have Emmett destroy his piano.

Spray paint his locker pink and sprinkle silver, gold, purple, pink, and blue glitter all over it and fill it with pink and purple frizzles and stuff.

Tell him Bella used to have a crush a Mike.

Kidnap Bella.

Tell Charlie Edward got Bella pregnant.

Let Emmett and Rosalie have sex in his Volvo.

Let Emmett and Rosalie have sex on his piano.

Call him Ed, Eddie, or Prudeward.

Break all his CDs (and frame Jacob).

Ask him why he's still alive even though he died in Harry Potter.

Bring Tanya over to visit.

Sprinkle glitter on him at every possible moment.

Accuse him of being a werewolf.

Sing Lady Gaga in your thoughts. (And out loud.)

Sing Britney Spears in your thoughts. (And out loud.)

Tell him you know something important about Bella. Then, mentally sing an annoying song all day long.

Give him a stuffed mountain lion.

Make him eat human food.

Take Bella cliff diving.

Push Bella off the cliff. Walk away.

Tell Tanya that Edward actually has loved her for years.

Tell everyone his home address. Include directions.

Give Lauren, Jessica, and all female students at Forks High his cell phone number and home number.

Tell those girls that he was too nervous to do it himself and loves them.

Tell him straight guys don't sparkle.

Think of him nude.

Accuse him of being emo.


	5. 31 ways to annoy Emmett

_**31 Ways To Annoy Emmett**_

Paint his Jeep pink and spray permanent paint with huge letters, "I'm GAY and I'm SINGLE! Call me!" Then show his phone number below it.

Scratch his precious Jeep.

Bet he can't go a week without kissing, humping, touching, or having sex with Rosalie.

Tell him what Rosalie will do when she finds out he accepted the bet, then laugh hysterically.

Tell him you read into his astrology sign, he is a Scorpio. And that Scorpio's go to hell if they have sex with vampires.

When he asks what sign Rosalie is, tell him she is a Leo, and she will go to heaven for having sex with a vampire.

Laugh when he looks like he's going to cry.

Remind him that he lost an arm wrestling match to a girl.

Remind him that Rosalie was supposed to be Edward's wife, not his.

Make fun of his jeep and tell him you like the Volvo better

Tell him you like Jasper more because he's better looking.

Tell him Rosalie only saved him because he reminded her of a baby.

Tell him looks like a creeper stalker rapist.

Tell him with a smirk in a rude way he has bits of grizzly and blood in his teeth.

Ask who wears the pants in the relationship.

When he says him, look at him doubtfully.

Then tell him, "But you would look so much better in a skirt!"

Try to stab him with a stake through the heart.

When he glares at you, slowly back away with a smile.

Then say, "Sorry, I mistook you for a real vampire, not a sissy." Run away as fast as you can, or he may eat you happily.

Tell him that brawn is sooooooo out and scrawny is sooo very very in.

Ask him what it's like to be the least liked male Cullen.

When he is around, wonder aloud when Rosalie calls him to bed.

Tell him Rosalie has him whipped.

When he denies it, tell Rosalie an exaggeration of what he said, but still saying what he implied. That he is the man and Rosalie has no control over him.

Watch as she b**** slaps him and yells at him while smirking and eating popcorn saying, "This is better than a movie!" Smirk when he glares at you.

Ask him if he is having an affair. With his Jeep.

If he says no, tell Rosalie he is.

Ask him if he is in love with his muscles since that is all that there is. No brain, no bones, no charm, nothing.

Run.

When he denies everything said above, tell him, "That's not what Rosalie, Alice, Edward, Jasper, Bella, Carlisle, even Esme, and basically everyone says! Haha!" Skip off laughing.


	6. 32 ways to annoy Alice

_**32 Ways to Annoy Alice**_

Tell her that her clothes are hideous

Tell her Bella's real best friend is a werewolf

Burn her clothes

Destroy her makeup

Have Mike stalk her by telling him she has the biggest crush on him

When she asks to go shopping, say, "No, I'd rather wear dirty rags than go shopping with you."

Ask her how tall she is

When she says so, look at her and laugh

Tell her she is shorter than 3'

Call her pixie

Wear jeans and a baggy T-shirt

Tell her Vogue went out of business

Tell her Gucci, Prada, and every other major fashion line has quit running

Tell her all of her favorite stores have banned her from the stores

When she asks why, tell her it was because they didn't carry clothing small enough for her

Change your mind a lot

Ask her if she has any pixie sticks

Tell an Italian cop she should be arrested for grand theft auto

Laugh as she gets handcuffed, her screaming at the cop and glaring at you

Break all of the heels off of her high heels

Have the pack turn into their wolf form and have them chew up her shoes

Tell her they are hypnotized and are acting like real dogs

Smile like a maniac singing, "I know something you don't know"

Tell her that her haircut should be styled better, because she looks like a boy

Cancel all of her credit cards

Cut up all of her credit cards

Give her clothes to hobos

When she asks how her makeup looks, tell her she belongs at the circus with that makeup

When she asks how she looks in an outfit, sigh and say, "It makes you look fat."

Destroy her Porshe

Blame Emmett and/or Jasper

Ask her what her human life was like


	7. 33 ways to annoy Bella

_**33 Ways to Annoy Bella**_

Insult her truck

Tell her Edward left her for Tanya

Give Mike, Eric, and Tyler, actually, all boys in Forks High her phone number, email address, and address

Tell her you accidently ran over Jacob

With her big red truck

Call Jacob a mutt

Call Jacob a dog

Call Edward a bloodsucker

Call all of the Cullen's bloodsuckers

Tell her Jacob and Renesmee, 'did it'

Tell her Jacob and Renesmee had a shotgun wedding in Vegas

Tell her Renesmee is pregnant

Destroy her books

Tell her, 'Bella's Lullaby' was originally called, 'Tanya's Lullaby'

Tell her Aro came and killed Edward

Ask her about her sex life

Make innuendos about her sex life

Tell her you told Charlie about Edward staying in her room at night

Take her shopping

Give her a makeover

Call Renesmee Nessie

Tell her that her daughter is named after a monster

Call Renesmee a monster

Tell her she smell like a wet dog after she comes home from visiting Jacob

Tell her she smells like Clorox Bleach after she comes from seeing any of the Cullen's

Tell her that waitress from Port Angeles is stalking Edward

Tell her Jessica Stanley is stalking Edward

Call Alice a pixie freak

Call Edward a hundred year old prude

Give her cup full of blood

Ask her if she is suicidal

Ask her how she feels that she caused Edward to attempt suicide

Ask her if you can have Edward


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